When you’re single and searching for the love of your life, everyone feels the need to give you advice, even when you don’t ask for it. One thing that you hear over and over again is “you find love when you least expect it, so stop looking!” People are always telling you not to try so hard and that “whatever will be will be.” They tell you that if you just relax and let go, the right man will magically turn up. 

Sounds ridiculous, right? Yet this is conventionally accepted wisdom. The idea is that when you’re relaxed and happy, a wonderful man will pop up out of nowhere, and that will be it. There’s this romantic notion that, just like the girl in the movies, you’ll one day just bump into your future husband and fall instantly in love. 

It’s an appealing idea, and it’s true that having a relaxed, open energy can help you to attract the right kind of partner. However, that definitely does not mean that you should stop dating. The bottom line is that you don’t find love when you stop looking for it. You don’t get what you want by giving up. You’re not going to miraculously fall into the arms of a handsome hero one random afternoon. 

No, you find the man of your dreams when you begin consciously dating to find the love of your life. 

Rare Exceptions 

When people tell you that the best way to find love is to stop looking for it, they usually have some questionable anecdote to back it up. We’ve probably all heard someone say something along the lines of “My sister’s friend’s aunt met her husband after she decided to give up on love…” 

Of course, there are exceptions for every rule, but you simply cannot count on this. If you want a relationship that makes you happy for more than just a few short months, you’ve got to be rational about it. You can’t just expect a wonderful relationship to fall into your lap. You have to go out there and work hard to find it. You wouldn’t expect to be offered your dream job without even applying, or to be crowned the winner of a competition you didn’t enter in the first place. 

Besides, just because somebody you know got married after they stopped looking for love doesn’t mean that they actually found the blissfully happy union that you are seeking. If we are honest, many – or even most – of the relationships around us are not blissfully happy. Many marriages end in divorce. Others are just okay. Some simply feel like work. Remember, listening to the advice of people who aren’t happily in love is one of the top dating mistakes!

Don’t settle 

Even if you’re not consciously looking for love, the chances are you will meet a romantic interest at one point or another. The danger is that you’ll assume he’s the right guy because he seemed to pop up out of nowhere. You won’t really take the time to evaluate whether or not he truly is the one for you. 

For example, you might meet someone who’s kind, funny and attractive but who, for whatever reason, doesn’t really light a fire inside of you. He ticks all – or enough – of the boxes on paper, but you know that he’s not the one who can make your dreams come true. Still, he’s nice enough. His intentions are good. Things are okay. Your gut isn’t telling you “yes! He’s the one!” but you assume that he was meant for you because he came into your life when you weren’t looking. You don’t take the time to really stop and think about whether he could bring you a lifetime of happiness… and only when it’s too late do you realize that he can’t. You end up settling without even realizing it. 

If you stick with a guy who’s just okay because it’s easy, you won’t be able to live your life to its fullest potential. You might be happy enough at first, but he won’t take your breath away every day for years to come. You won’t feel sure, in every fiber of your being, that he is the right one for you. 

Honestly, if you’re not consciously seeking the love of your life and ensuring your standards always remain high, I estimate that there’s only a 2-5% chance that you’ll find a lasting love that’s truly amazing. If you’re not putting conscious effort into dating, you might settle without fully realizing that that’s what you’re doing, as so many people do. 

The partner you choose affects every aspect of your life. A happy, fulfilling romantic relationship helps you become the very best version of yourself. When you sparkle with joy, you will have more energy to dedicate to your career, your friendships and social projects that you care about. On the other hand, when you are in a relationship that feels like work and drains you, you will have less energy to dedicate to other aspects of your life. It’s so important to find a man who supports and uplifts you. 

Choosing a partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. It’s far, far too important to leave up to chance and let the chips fall where they may. This is your life and happiness we’re talking about. If that’s not worth investing time and energy in, then I don’t know what is. 

A perpetual honeymoon 

When people first meet me and my wonderful husband, they often think that we’re newly in love, or on our honeymoon. We constantly tell each other how much we love each other and how lucky we are. We’re very affectionate and are always hugging and kissing. We’re together all the time because it just feels so good. We don’t get sick of each other and crave time apart! For us, the honeymoon wasn’t a phase at all – it’s the permanent state of our relationship. 

Was he the first man I ever dated? Absolutely not. He was more like my 50th date! 

I didn’t have an easy dating journey, but I never gave up and I never settled. I never decided to stop looking and let love find me. I went on and on until I finally found someone who not only met but exceeded all of my expectations. He left me breathless. He was better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. I had no doubts about him at all. From the very beginning, I felt safe and at peace with him. Our relationship was – and still is – easy, fun, light and beautiful. 

This is my vision for you. I would love for you to have a life which is filled with romance, laughter, and joy. I want you to live single every day of your life in glorious, sparkling technicolor. So no, I don’t think you should ever leave your love life up to chance. It’s too valuable. You’re too valuable. Take your dating life seriously, because you owe it to yourself. Consciously dating to find a truly amazing man is a big step towards creating a beautiful life for yourself – the life that you deserve. 

Learn to relax 

The reason people often advise you to stop looking for love is so that you’ll radiate a more relaxed energy that’s inviting to a strong, masculine partner. But the way to do this isn’t to take dating lightly or give up on it altogether. Contrary to what many people think, dating consciously doesn’t mean being needy and obsessive, or chasing after men. 

In fact, relaxing into your accepting feminine energy is a very important part of dating, and my coaching program is centered around this. Feminine energy is about being open and yielding. It’s about letting a man pursue you, rather than running around after him. It’s about sensuality, self-care and letting yourself be admired and pursued by a strong man.

Relaxing is not the same as giving up or not caring. It doesn’t mean lowering your standards, tolerating disrespectful behavior or loosening your boundaries. It means being open to, interested in and ready for the many romantic possibilities that may come your way. It means letting a man pursue you. It means letting a man support you, help you and make you happy. 

Happily Ever After

I can help you embrace this amazing, soft energy that will attract the caring, masculine partner your heart desires. 

With my Happily Ever After Coaching package, I can help you to find a man who is not just your husband on paper, but your true soulmate who makes you breathlessly happy. I will help you to create a life that is even better in the movies. In the movies, the happy ending is the final embrace, when the couple finally get together, but what about their life after the credits roll? I want you to have a life which makes you wonderfully happy every single day of your life. That is what “happily ever after” truly means. 

If you’re ready to take the next step and find your happy ending, I would love to support you throughout this amazing journey. Check out my Happily Ever After package here – unlimited support until you find the love of your life!