Dating has changed a lot over the past 50 years. We have different ideas about the roles of men and women in a relationship and “old school” dating rules, like letting the man pay for dinner, are a hot topic of debate. Dating has become a minefield and no-one’s sure what to do anymore! 

The world may have changed, but the fundamental needs of men and women have stayed the same. Old school dating rules are often shunned as a thing of the past, but they existed for a reason! Sister, there’s nothing wrong with adopting a few old school dating rules – in fact, I believe that some of the old rules can really help you to attract the strong and masculine man you’re dreaming of. 

In the twenty-first century, we women are expected to be strong in so many aspects of our lives that sometimes we forget to relax and lean into our accepting, sensual feminine energy. In fact, your femininity is key to a happy and fulfilling relationship. The old rules were written with this in mind, so here are some dating tips from the past that we should bring back to the 2020s to help us find the amazing man we deserve. 

1) Opposites attract 

It’s true that opposites attract, but maybe not in the way that you think. 

People assume that this phrase means opposite interests or lifestyles, but that thinking can lead you towards a partner who you’re ultimately incompatible with. Do you really want a guy who gets up at 5am everyday to go to the gym when you want to relax and cuddle, or someone who hates even traveling to another city when you want to explore the world? 

What “opposites attract” truly means is opposite energies – namely, masculine and feminine energies. 

This is a fundamental law of nature. Masculinity and femininity contrast and complement each other perfectly. They are two halves of the same whole, like yin and yang. Mother Nature has designed men and women this way to create a perfect partnership in which they make each other stronger and build each other up. 

Masculine energy is active. Men are striving, providing and pursuing. It’s a very giving energy, which is important because there are times in a woman’s life when her partner must be there for her to support her entirely. During pregnancy and motherhood, for example, women are physically weakened and need a strong, giving partner to allow her to focus on her children and be the best mother she can be. 

On the other hand, feminine energy is relaxed. Women have a much greater capacity to relax than men do. It is a woman’s job to accept a man as he is and to allow him to be still with her as he cannot be with his peers. By being receptive and nurturing, women allow their men to become their best, strongest and most supportive selves. Women have a different kind of strength that is innate and doesn’t need to be proven. 

There are times when a woman can and should exhibit masculine energy. It’s amazing that we can use both energies, but your romantic relationships are strongest when you are in your gentle feminine energy. 

2) Let him pay – but be appreciative

Photo by Andie Venzl

Shock! Horror! 

I bet you’re saying “No way! I have my own money. I always pay for myself.” 

It’s admirable to want to pay for yourself on a date but feminine energy is soft, open and receptive. You should smile and say “wow, thank you so much, that’s very generous of you” instead of batting his wallet away and insisting on paying your half of the bill. Resist entering into a competition mode with him: you know that you’re able to look after yourself so you don’t need to waste your date trying to prove it to him. When you insist on paying, you take on a masculine role, which will drive him away. It’s just a basic truth that a strong, masculine man wants to provide for you. It’s the role he was born to play. By being feminine and letting him pay, you are allowing him to feel like a man and he will become even more attracted to you. 

However, never take it for granted that he’s going to pay! You don’t want him to think you’re only after a free dinner and not his wonderful company. You should reach for your wallet when the bill comes and make it clear that you’re happy to pay. After he declines and says he wants to treat you, graciously accept his kind gesture. 

Of course, when he pays for the date you should show your appreciation! Give him your warmest smile and say a heartfelt “thank you” so that he feels valued and admired by you. That will make the cost of your dinner totally worth it for him! 

3) Let him pursue you 

A strong, masculine man wants to pursue a feminine woman. He wants to earn her. 

Men want to have the impression that they have really earned your love and respect. Men value the things – and the women – that they have to work hard for. They don’t appreciate the things they get for free. If you let him do the work and pursue you, he will know that you are an amazing, high-value woman who is truly worth pursuing. 

If you’re always the one to arrange the next date and spend your life running around trying to please him, you will quickly take on a masculine energy. This is not attractive to a masculine man because he wants to be the giver and the provider in the relationship. If you try to pursue him, you will only drive him away and attract weak men who take advantage of you. The secret to an amazing, lasting attraction lies within your feminine energy, and to truly be in your feminine energy, you need to let him pursue you. 

Of course, you should encourage him to pursue you. When he wants to arrange a date, show that you are enthusiastic and excited to spend another evening together. Laugh at his jokes and let him know that you enjoy his company. 

You can’t force anyone to be with you. Simply relax into your femininity and give him the chance to impress you. Your only task is to be open, interested and receptive to his efforts. Let him prove that he really wants to be with you, and let him be a man. 

4) Let him be the one to call 

“Should I call him first?” 

This debate has gone on for years, but for me, the answer is NO. 

Lots of people think that it’s totally old school if a woman doesn’t want to reach out after a date, but there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, my advice is that you should wait for him to contact you after a date. Don’t fixate on him or wait by the phone, because you’ll give into the temptation to call him. If he wants to call, he will call! 

This is so important because, as I explained above, you need to give a man the chance to pursue you. The role of the pursuer is a very masculine one and if you want a strong and supportive partner, you should let him fill this role. If you keep texting him first and asking him for another date, you will slip into a masculine energy and this will cause him to quickly lose interest in you. 

But how will he know that you like him if you don’t call him? Stay in your feminine, receptive energy and respond enthusiastically when he does get in touch. Don’t try to play it cool – show him that you’re happy to talk to him and accept enthusiastically when he suggests another date. You could say “Oh, I’m so happy to hear from you! I really enjoyed our date the other night.” He will be glad that he called you and he will feel confident enough to ask you out again. By being warm and open, you’re encouraging him to reach out to you without pursuing him. 

Of course, it doesn’t have to be the man who calls every single time. Texting or calling him first every now and then won’t ruin your relationship, but it is something to be mindful of. I would advise a 3:1 ratio – after he’s been the first one to get in contact three times, it’s okay for you to send the first message next time.

The most important thing here is to stay in your feminine energy and enjoy being pursued by a strong, masculine man. Let him contact you first and be warm, open and enthusiastic when he does. 

5) Ask for and accept his help 

In order to find the man of your dreams, you have to accept his help. 

Even more than that, you have to learn to ask for his help. This was such an important part of my journey to finding the love of my life. I was raised as a strong, independent woman and I always felt the need to prove that I could take care of myself without any help. 

Eventually, though, I realized that I wasn’t doing myself any favors with this attitude. Strong and masculine men want to help women. In order for a man to be happy in a relationship, he needs to feel needed and know that he can help and support the woman he loves. A strong man will only fall in love with a woman if he knows he can make her happy. 

I know I’m strong. You know you’re strong. So why waste time trying to prove it? A man doesn’t want to help you because he thinks you’re weak, he does it because he cares about you and that’s how he tries to be a good and worthy man. It’s how he recharges his batteries. An amazing man who will one day be the father of your children should be thoughtful, helpful and kind because we need the support of a strong and loving partner during motherhood. 

By never asking for or accepting a man’s help, you’re taking away one of the fundamental pleasures of being a man. Making you happy is what makes him feel good about himself – it’s what makes him feel like a strong and worthy man. If he doesn’t feel like he can provide for you, he will eventually look for a woman who is more willing to accept his help and support. 

It’s time to change this behavior for good! Let’s throw out “I don’t need help” and replace it with a new, positive affirmation: “A masculine man falls in love with a woman while giving to her.” 

These are my favorite old school dating rules that smart, strong women should remember. To find out more about me and how I can help you to find the love of your life, click here!