What do you bring to the table in a relationship?
This is a question you hear a lot these days. Relationships are discussed like business deals, where both parties have to provide some kind of service. It’s no longer okay to “take” from your partner. Everything has to be 50-50, split straight down the middle.
Women think that they have to give just as much as their partners do in a relationship, in exactly the same way. They’re told that being a team and working together means fulfilling exactly the same role – and this is where romance is going wrong.
I think it’s very important to talk about the idea of giving and taking in modern day relationships, because contrary to popular opinion, it’s not necessary for feminine women to give to their partner- at least, not in the way that you might think.
That’s right: there are other ways of bringing value to a relationship besides doing exactly what men do!
You and your partner are a team, yes, but your roles within your relationship should complement, rather than compete with, one another in order to create a powerful and long-lasting attraction.
The role of the giver in a relationship is a very masculine one.
Men want to be providers. It’s what they’re made for! They want to help, support and give to the women they love. Masculine energy is active and protective, whereas feminine energy is soft and passive.
When a man gives to a woman, he’s able to fulfil the role that Mother Nature has assigned to him – it’s quite literally the job that he was born to do. It’s natural and easy for him to give; it’s how he gains strength and energy. Giving allows him to grow into a better, stronger and happier version of himself.
Men fall in love whilst they’re in an active, giving mode. They want to be with a woman they can help, support and cherish. However, a man can’t give to a woman who’s not in her open, accepting, feminine energy. When he finds himself unable to provide for the woman in his life, he feels useless and lost. He’s not able to be his best self around her, and he becomes unhappy.
Many women find it difficult to accept the help and support of a masculine man, even though deep down, it’s what our feminine intuition wants.
Women are always being told that we have to bring something to the table. Whether it’s through films, our friends or motivational posts on social media, this message seems to be everywhere. Society encourages us to act in a masculine way in relationships so that we can be equal to our partners, but in reality this creates a competitive energy that wears both parties down.
When a woman assumes the role of the provider in a relationship, she takes on a very masculine energy. She’s just trying to pull her weight and be supportive, but her actions are actually having the opposite effect.
By stepping into a masculine energy, she’s entering into a competition with her partner. She’s stopping him from being his strongest, most masculine self. On a practical level, yes, she’s supporting him, but she’s actually creating a conflict within the relationship. More than that, she’s failing to meet her man’s emotional needs because in order for him to be truly happy, he needs to be able to give.
A deep, lasting attraction is built not upon competition, but upon the law of polarity. In a relationship, two partners should be complimentary, not competitive. You don’t have to act the same way as a man in order to bring value to the relationship; in fact, you’ll do the very opposite.
In the long-term, a strong, masculine man won’t be attracted to a woman who gives off a masculine energy. He seeks a woman he can care for as a lover, not a teammate he’s got to compete with.
“But I want to give!”
I know. It’s uncomfortable to feel as though you’re “taking” from your partner.
Feminine energy is amazing. It’s soft, receptive and magnetic, but the sad truth is that feminine traits just aren’t valued in our society in the same way that masculine ones are.
Women who accept help are made to feel guilty about it, as though it’s wrong to let a man give to you. We feel that we have to “do it like a man does” in order to enrich the relationship.
Feminine contributions to a relationship aren’t recognised or appreciated by society at large, but accepting from your partner isn’t wrong. Mother Nature knows that better than anyone.
It speaks volumes about you that you want to give to your partner. It’s great that you have such a caring, generous spirit but trying to be the provider in a relationship won’t lead to an irresistible attraction with a masculine man. If you want to find a man who worships the ground you walk on, you’ve got to step into your receptive feminine energy.
Masculinity and femininity are two halves of the same whole. Together they’re much more powerful than they are alone. They compliment each other perfectly – but you need both.
When you refuse to accept a man’s help and enter a competitive mode with him, he won’t feel valued by you. He’ll think that you don’t appreciate his help or perhaps that you don’t even notice how much he cares about you. He’ll feel rejected and useless. Both of you will become unhappy and the relationship just won’t work.
So if you shouldn’t give to your partner, what should you do instead?
It’s simple: you need to accept instead.
Learn to accept
Give at work. Give to your friends. Give to your passion projects and social enterprises, but in a relationship, you have to learn how to accept.
We’re told that we should constantly be working, hustling and providing for our partners. What we actually need to do is give ourselves permission to be in an accepting, feminine mode. Accepting naturally feels good, but we’ve been shamed into feeling guilty about it.
There is value in accepting. Giving and taking are dual – you can’t have one without the other. In a romantic relationship, you need to have both.
A masculine man can only find happiness in giving if there’s a wonderful, feminine woman to accept his offerings. He wants to make you feel loved, worthy and secure by giving to you. By letting him do so, you make him feel the very same way.
You don’t have to be masculine to be a caring, supportive partner. Being open and accepting is hugely valuable to a man because you’re helping him meet his emotional needs.
As a feminine woman, what you bring to the table is your soft, receptive energy. That’s so very precious to a masculine man, because you’re giving him precisely what he lacks. He doesn’t need more masculine energy – he’s already got that. A partner who makes him feel good is the most important one of all.
Openness is an achievement
It’s time we learned to really value openness. Contrary to popular opinion, accepting is not easy – especially not for us 21st-century women.
Openness requires a lot of self-work. You have to accept that you are valuable and that you deserve to be taken care of. You must give yourself permission to receive. It requires a high level of inner strength, security and confidence.
In this day and age where women are taught to constantly hustle and strive, it takes a huge amount of courage to stand up and say, “I’m going to let him give to me, because I deserve it.”
Being open means that you’ve worked on yourself. You’ve taken the time to discover your true value. You’ve been brave enough to lower your guard and accept that you’re worthy of being loved and provided for. You’re making your partner feel strong, safe and worthy. You’re doing something really amazing not just for yourself, but for him too.
No, you’re not offering the same things that he is – but that’s how it should be. Yes, you and your partner are a team, but the best teams are made up of members who play different roles and work together in harmony.
So please, don’t waste time worrying that you don’t do enough for your partner. Respect that he’s a grown man who doesn’t need you to run around after him. Have faith in yourself and recognise that you deserve to be looked after by an adoring partner. All you need to do is relax and enjoy it.
The bottom line is that giving and accepting are equally important in a relationship. You shouldn’t bring the same qualities to the table because a truly supportive relationship isn’t competitive. It’s a state in which both parties uplift each other with their complementary energies, creating an amazing attraction that lasts a lifetime.